No problem. I’ll meet new singles with this Dallas dating service. And it could do me good. The reason I mention my dating woes: After practically choking down some of grandma’s potato salad at George’s graduation in Dallas this afternoon, my sister wanted to know if I’ve bumped into the love of my life. I don’t know why they even care. I didn’t want to answer, but then laughed, “that’s none of your business.”

And of course Cousin Terry opining about my personal matters. I leveled to the family gang: “Seriously, you would bring that up.”

How can they be so rude? They all laughed at me. Shortly after, I emailed my astrologist in hopes this loneliness would all go away. Why can’t I stop thinking about this! Nothing was helping and I needed some damn help. My cousin, who was just deployed on military commission suggested that I browse the singles profiles at Great Expectations. I said, “That’s what I was going to do.” Should have thought of it myself. I especially enjoy the Denver Singles Events at Great Expectations.

When I started, singles events and mixers were a novel thing because I’m a traditionalist of sorts. I’d never done anything like this before, that my hands started sweating. My slight disaster couldn’t put an end to another incredible Great Expectations event. That night I enjoyed was a happy hour not to forget. The host was incredible and I’ll always remember the many enjoyable people I met, all available singles.

Appearing at these incredibley satisfying singles events in Dallas, I bumped into some great people that obviously share a parallel understanding for how dating should be done. Don’t know why I ever let so many people get me down about me being single at my age. Wonderfully enough, doing things in Dallas with Great Expectations is a lot of fun and a remarkably refreshing dating experience.

Matt

Believe in People

1. What are the benefits of completing a task and what are the consequences of procrastinating? Another way to ask this question is by exploring these four additional questions: (1) what will happen if I do this? (2) what won’t happen if I do this? (3) what will happen if I don’t do this? and (4) what won’t happen if I don’t do this? Reflect on your responses and align with the energy and positivity of right action, doing the right thing, while visualizing successful completion.

2. What is my self-talk like? What are the thoughts that support my resistance? Are my thoughts positive and supporting, or limiting and self-sabotaging? Moving to thoughts of joy, appreciation and gratitude can support you to experience an energy shift allowing you to take action.

3. What is my diet like? Do you experience lows, lethargy, laziness and staleness after eating certain foods or drinking certain liquids? Begin to explore your relationship to food and drink and your energy and moods.

4. What is my Life Force (Chi) energy like? Blocked, lacking, low? When one’s life force energy is blocked, there is usually some disequilibrium among mind, body and spirit. Movement which supports the flow of Chi energy (such as Yoga and Tai Chi) can restore balance and energy among mind, body and spirit, allowing your Chi energy to flow which supports action and activity.

5. Am I depressed? You might want to have a physical exam and ask for a professional opinion to explore the possibility of a deeper malaise that may be affecting you.

6. What might be a competing committing that keeps me from acting? In other words, there is something I value more than the task I am resisting. This competing commitment is usually fear-based. As an example, a self-employed entrepreneur is resisting organizing her physical space, her office and work environment. When she inquired into her resistance, by journaling deeply into it, she discovered that when she completed the organization of her space then her next goal would be to focus on her business and she was fearful about taking next steps to grow her business. So her competing commitment was to maintain the status quo and do nothing, to resist and procrastinate. So, what might be something you are valuing more, than the task at hand?

7. Am I “acting out” some childhood resistance, as an adult? For example, if you were brought up to believe that “neatness counts” or “you must be organized”, you might be rebelling against this belief by not keeping an organized living or work space. It’s important to look “underneath” the resistance to inquire about existing beliefs that are driving you to procrastinate.

8. Am I attempting to maintain some self-image? Many folks procrastinate in order to maintain a positive self-image and be “good.” In other words, by procrastinating they exonerate themselves from potential blame if something goes wrong or does not work out as they hope, or plan. In such circumstances, these folks delay taking action in the face of deadlines.

These folks are poor self-managers and have difficulty self-regulating. The may spend an inordinate amount of time rationalizing dysfunctional behaviors as they are resisting “failure” in some way, shape or form. So, the resistance shows up as the following behaviors and attitudes: (1) Ignorance — I didn’t know I was supposed to do that; (2) Skill deficiency — “I don’t know how”; (3) Apathy — “I really don’t want to do” or, “It really doesn’t make any difference if I put this off.” and “No one really cares of I do this or not.” or “I’m not in the mood.”; (5) Fixed habits and patterns — “I’ve always done it this way and it’s hard to change.”; and “I know I can do it at the last minute.” or, “I work better under pressure.”; (6) Inertia — “I just can’t seem to get started.”; (7) Frail memory – “I just forgot.”; (8) Physical problems – “I was sick.; and (9) Perfectionism – “I can’t get started as it won’t be perfect.”

Asking yourself these eight questions can support you to get underneath procrastination and uncover what’s really, really at the root of your inaction. By staying with your responses, and inquiring deeply into them, you can begin to raise your level of awareness about the nature of your resistance and then create and take action steps to move forward to both reduce and eliminate the root causes of your resistance and become a “doer” on a consistent basis.

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, is co-founder of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta, GA firm specializing in coaching, counseling and facilitating. Peter focuses on personal, business and relationship coaching. He can be reached at 770-804-9125 and pvajda@spiritheart.net

More and more people are regaining control of their lives and changing their futures. They’re setting goals and reaching them, they’re feeling better, being happier, getting healthier and spending more time and energy on what matters to them. Their outlook on life has improved dramatically.

As you know, the concept of wellness covers a broad rangewith different definitions depending on where you look. But for starters, let’s use the followingwellness is the belief that improvement is possible throughout our lives. We’re continuously seeking information on how we can improve. We’re choosing options and making decisions that support our best interests. Everything we think, feel and believe impacts our whole being. You are in command of all aspects of your lifephysical, career, relationships, finances, spiritual, environment, and emotional well-being, and so on. You can break free and take charge of your life. Try these simple ways to discover how you can start moving towards taking control of your life and wellness.

1. Turn lack of time into more time.

“I don’t have the time,” that’s what John, a corporate attorney, constantly told himself and others. He knew he wasn’t alone. Lack of time was a concern for nearly every person he knew. John really wanted to be happier and healthier, but he just didn’t have free time to date, visit family, exercise, or any of the other things that made him happy. When John decided he had to take control of his wellness, the first thing he did was regain ownership of his time. He examined how he spent his time on an average day. By jotting down his daily activities and realigning his priorities, John found opportunities to include the things he really cared about in his daily life.

2. Reclaim your energy.

Megan, a wife, mom and marketing executive, was always tired. She had no energy to meet the demands of her job, do housework, run errands, cook, take care of her children, or the other priorities that made up her day. Megan desperately needed to reclaim her energybut instead, she let people drain it, steal it and suck it away. To begin, Megan examined the areas of her life that needed more attention and focus. She also drew new boundaries to protect herself, by declaring what she would and wouldn’t allow. Instead of working 12 hours, Megan cut her workday to no more than nine hours. She stuck to her plan, reclaimed her energy, and is there for her family and job with a new, revitalized energy.

3. Make lasting changes.

“Our resistance to making lasting changes is innate,” says Jeff, a mortgage loan officer. “It’s such a big challenge for everybody.” He constantly told himself that his inner resistance to making changes would stay with him forever. Jeff’s first step was to recognize that resistance is always the initial barrier to making changes. For example, losing the 70 pounds his doctor recommended would offset having to take daily medication for his Type II diabetes. Jeff started by being open to seeing the positive side of changei.e., first making a decision to change, and then enlisting help in doing so. He joined the YMCA, and now participates in Tai Chi and walks five days a week. He’s also met with a nutritionist who has helped him gain a better understanding of what to eat in order to maintain his overall health and well-being. Jeff has lost 30 pounds and continues to maintain a healthy, balanced diet.

4. Set boundaries around your life.

What’s one of the shortest wordsyet so difficult for many people to utter? If you guessed “No,” you’re right on the money. Sidney, a customer service supervisor was so afraid of saying no that when someone asked her to do something, she felt queasy inside because she wanted to say no, but felt uncomfortable actually doing it. The first thing she needed to do was learn her limits. She realized that learning to say no to the things that she didn’t want to do would help her reduce the stress of excessive demands on her time and energy. Sidney could say no in a way that was comfortable to her, yet respectful to the other person. Many people believe when someone makes a request of you, you must say yes, but saying no isn’t that horrible! When Sidney began saying no, it changed her whole life; she found her “to do” list shrinking. She recognized that it was her choice to either overload her schedule or only accept requests to do something when she wanted to.

5. Take excellent care of yourself.

Eden, an emergency room specialist, wanted to improve her quality of life. She was bored with her daily routine, and her social life was nonexistent. Eden began making changes for the better by putting her needs first. She focused on what she wanted, instead of others’ desires. She began scheduling two social activities on her calendar each month, in order to create a social life. Eden never really enjoyed living in the suburbs, but she was close to her job. She put together an action plan for re-inventing her life. The first thing she did was sell her house in the suburbs and move to a more urban environment in which she always dreamed. She could walk to quaint café’s, visit bookstores, shops and attend local festivals and art fairs right in her neighborhood. She started networking and began to meet new people on a regular basis. Eden’s life has become more satisfying and fulfilling.

It’s certainly a personal choice to get on the road to feeling better, being happier and getting healthier. It’s a choice you should consider making. For those of you reading this article, I challenge you to take a few moments to assess how you’re feeling. How’s your energy level? How much “me” time do you take on a daily basis? How’s your overall self-care? Consider how much better you know you could be with some effort, commitment, and support. Now is the time to make time in your schedule for you.

Diane Randall is a Certified Wellness Coach who works primarily with adults over 30 to help them reclaim their zest and drive for life. Randall began her wellness journey over fifteen years ago when an unexplained health crisis forced her to adopt a better way of living, and has since used her education and experiences to help countless others. Randall speaks and writes about a variety of health and wellness related topics affecting the adult community.

AND DON’T wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t sell, enable people to buy. Don’t let the bastards get you down. Don’t be weary in well doing, for in due season you will reap a great harvest if you faint not. And don’t wait for the mainstream to validate your voice. Don’t despise the day of small beginnings. Don’t be selfish with your knowledge. Don’t complain if you haven’t earned the right. And don’t be different, be unique.

BECAUSE YOU are what you charge. You are what you believe. You are the books you’ve read and the people you’ve met. And you are an empty sheet of paper in the minds of every person you encounter.

AFTER ALL, the world cannot resist a man on a mission. The best swimmers are always in the pool. The sculpture is inside the stone. And the two greatest days in your life are the day you’re born, and the day you realize why you were born.

AND if you are successful you will always have too much to do and too little time. If you aren’t being criticized, you aren’t doing much. And if everyone says you’re out of your mind, you just might be onto something.

EVEN THOUGH, IT’S not easy being yourself. It’s not who you know, it’s who knows you. And it’s not the years, it’s the mileage.

SO, WORK hard, work long and work smart. Work like you don’t need the money. And work from technique, because you never know how you will feel.

AND DON’T FORGET THAT success leaves clues. That confidence is king. That credibility comes from specificity. That listening is not waiting to talk. And that a nice person who is mean to a waiter is not a nice person.

OR, TO tell the truth, to tell it all and to tell it now. To give value first. To paint yourself into a good corner. To allow customers to participate in your brand. To do the work once and benefit many times. To give yourself away. To respect people’s no’s. To take massive action. And to act as if you already were the person you’re trying to become.

THEREFORE, ALWAYS stand up, stand out or be counted out. Discover your Personal Differential Advantage. Learn to love your zone of discomfort. Greet each day with love in your heart. Show, don’t tell. Make daily appointments with yourself. Never apologize for your art. Remember your Victory Dance. Work harder on yourself than your job. Find your one big idea. And always validate your existence, be yourself and do something cool – every single day.

BECAUSE life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.

© 2006 All Rights Reserved.

Shortly after that workshop, I got up one morning feeling somewhat burdened by a day that seemed to have a few too many deadlines. I had almost defaulted to dragging around that heavy, overwhelmed feeling when the thought struck me…”Even though you have several deadlines today, you can still choose a positive, enthusiastic attitude.” And at that moment, the words “even though” jumped out as the antidote to virtually any excuse you or I might have about why we’re not making good things happen in our lives.

So what follows is a list of “even though” statements I encourage you to use as your antidote anytime you need to jumpstart your initiative, get off the dime and change things for the better!

*Even though I can’t do everything on this project, I will do something.

*Even though I have too many projects to manage, I can focus on one at a time rather than procrastinating.

*Even though it’s wet outside and I can’t do my usual walk or run, I can find a way to get exercise indoors.

*Even though “it” won’t be perfect, I can still do the best I can and get started.

*Even thougth I’ve been unsuccessful before, I can keep trying until I succeed.

*Even though I don’t have enough (whatever), I can still be grateful for what I have and use it wisely.

*Even though I think I need more (time, money, information, people) I’ll start with what I have and my resources will grow. *Even though I think
“they” did something to wrong me, I can still choose to forgive and move on.

*Even though I ate too much yesterday, I can still choose to get active and eat more wisely tomorrow!

You can probably add dozens of variations to the theme. The point is, we can either have what we want in life or we can have all of our lousy excuses and justifications instead. Playing the “even though” game is a fun way to stop buying into the excuses and start taking the actions to propel you forward. Here’s to making this an “even though” week.

***********************
Quote of the Week
***********************

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” ~~Theodore Roosevelt

Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe or learn more about Betty’s coaching and training services, visit http://www.dynamic-coaching.com

I probably could have focused on the message about setting specific goals. Instead another word jumped out at me in that email. “Can’t.”

Did you ever hear a quote to the effect of “if you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right”?

In prosperity reading we see a lot about the power of our thoughts and words, and the way they come true. How many words are more powerful than “can’t”? Think about it. Once you say you “can’t”, all your creative juices stop. You stop thinking of possibilities. You stop seeing opportunities. You mentally slam a door.

Several years ago I took a workshop that focused on who I was and who I wanted to be, how to harness my own abilities to create the type of life and relationships I wanted. I won’t say the experience was easy, but I will say that through the challenges that came up in that workshop I lost the word “can’t.” I just don’t say it any more, and mentally cringe when someone else does. Why would we throw up roadblocks like that?

Sure, there are some absolutes. I can’t fly to the sun for my vacation. I can’t have my great-great-grandfather join me for a picnic. A 300-pound football player can’t be a good jockey. But those absolutes are so few compared to how often we use the word.

I started breaking myself of the “can’t” habit by using a metaphor that might be a little ugly, but it gets the point across. The idea is, what would it take? Say I got the idea in my head that I wanted to win a tap dance competition three months from now. I’ve never tap danced in my life. It’s easy to say forget it, I can’t win.

But what if I take a different angle: If someone were holding a gun to my head saying Debbie, you have to win that competition or else, what would I do? Well, I’d get going, wouldn’t I? I’d start now looking for the best studio I could find. Maybe it wouldn’t be convenient, or cheap. Maybe it would completely interfere with my other commitments. Maybe I’d have to take a leave of absence from my job, rent a room halfway across the country, and do nothing but tap dance for the next three months.

Now, in real life, am I likely to do all that? No. But it’s not because I can’t. It’s because the price is too high, and I’ve chosen not to. See the difference? Just switching that mindset from “can’t” to “what would it take” mentally opens the door to all kinds of possibilities. Maybe you choose not to, but you make an informed and considered decision, and you stay in charge. Not circumstances, but your choices. How empowering is that?